


The Prologue

by lesbianoodle



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Humanstuck, M/M, Panic Attacks, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-13 01:17:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7956484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianoodle/pseuds/lesbianoodle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The beginning of a love story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Prologue

Your name is Sollux Captor and you have some kind of anxiety disorder- quite possibly some other problems too but this was your main concern- which is the reason you're currently dying inside a public bathroom. Your best friend and ex-boyfriend, Karkat Vantas, is trying his best to console you but it's not really working. It never really works. Because if somebody patting you on the back and saying it wasn't that bad cured anxiety, they wouldn't sell meds for it. 

"He laughed at me." You repeat for emphasis, "Him and his entire table laughed at me." 

"He's an asshole." Karkat assures you, "Seriously, fuck that guy. You can do better." 

"I can't." You say, focusing on breathing, "I'm a loser and I'm going to die alone." 

"You're not going to die alone, stop blowing things out of proportion. All you did was spill some soda, it's really not that big of a deal." Karkat's hand rubs between your shoulder blades, "Nobody is honestly going to care about you being a clumsy fucker. There are more important things in the world. Poverty and hunger in developing countries, for example. Don't go and put yourself above those people, Captor." 

Despite his perhaps unorthodox methods of calming you down, Karkat has a really good way of putting things into perspective. Maybe that's the reason you dated him for so long. It feels like whatever was blocking your lungs from accessing air finally vanishes and you breathe properly, pressing your face into your hands. Once you're chill again, you glumly inspect your shirt, which is still sticky with Doctor Pepper, and accept your jacket from Karkat. And you both return to your table, where your friends thankfully pretend that nothing even happened. 

You make sure to keep your eyes down, so that you don't look at _him_. You really don't want to be caught staring at him or for, god forbid, him to catch you staring at him after the display you made earlier. After you somehow managed to trip like an idiot and spill Doctor Pepper all over yourself right in front of the entire world. Or at least, everybody you know. 

"Don't look now, man." Dave addresses you subtly, talking out of the corner of his mouth, "But Ampora's checking you out. Again. I swear he's trying to get some kind of degree in the subject of checking Sollux Captor out." 

Your face burns. "Really?"

"Don't look." Terezi grabs your wrist before you can glance up, "If you look, you'll make eye contact with him and then you won't let us come here ever again in case he's here and I really like it here." 

"Don't compromise the free salad bar, yo." Dave says, trying to look cool with half the cheese from his pizza hanging out of his mouth, "You know I live for that shit." 

"Why would he be looking at me?" You ask, pointedly staring at your pizza. The pepperoni slices stare back up at you blankly as if to say "fuck if we know" and you realise that all your friends have moved on with the conversation. Now, they're just debating the pros and cons of using this place- The Pizza Place- as your group's regular hangout. You used to hang out at McDonald's until you walked right into Eridan Ampora outside and refused to eat there ever again. 

You should probably explain the situation with you and Eridan. It all boils down to your crippling anxiety- you've liked him for about two years and last year, you actually did something about it. You tried to ask him out and he turned you down in front of everybody and ever since then, you're avoided him. But you keep bumping into him around the city because he goes to the same college as you and you keep humiliating yourself in front of him. You're wholly convinced that you must be cursed or something. 

The anxiety thing stems from you being an antisocial child that never spent any time with other children and played video games instead. Your parents were sure that it was something you were going to grow out of but you're still a mess.

"He's leaving." Dave informs you, "All of them are. Thank god. You can look up now before you permanently damage your neck and spine. I don't want to spend the rest of my life explaining to people why my friend can't sit up straight. And making puns about your sexuality."

"Yeah, thanks, Strider." You say, before he can continue rambling.

"No biggie, man." Dave replies, before returning to flicking garlic bread at his boyfriend across the table, "You think if we threw garlic bread at Ampora, he'd burst into flames? I swear his entire family is so pale they're luminescent." 

Karkat rolls his eyes. "One day, he's going to hear you and get you kicked out of college. You know his dad is some important fucker. And what the hell are you going to do once you get kicked out? Work three days a week at Pizza Hut and serve us all pizza you can't afford before going home to jerk off because your boyfriend is too busy with college?" 

In case it wasn't obvious, your friends are the kind of people that don't really give many fucks about what they say and do. 

Dave is renowned for being the guy ironically goes to karaoke every other week and screeches off-key love ballads into a microphone, despite the fact that he can sing well enough. He's the president of the anime club, despite never having watched a single show, and spams everybody with memes constantly. 

Terezi is the kind of person that wears obnoxiously bright colours and eats absolutely everything, no matter what it is. She's got a weird voice, which you guess she can't help, and constantly flirts with people by asking what they taste like. She's tried to lick Dave's eyeballs before when they were dating and you guess if you didn't find her hilarious, you would be terrified of her. Most people at the college are. 

Karkat ran out of fucks to give sometime during middle school and has been calling people out on their bullshit ever since. He writes excessively long text messages with confusing metaphors and invented insults and he speaks like that too. He's one of those people that is spiky and defensive but you've seen him cry over romantic comedies. He's the only person in his Film Studies class that apparently hates nearly every movie they study. 

You look up and find that Eridan Ampora is, indeed, gone. "Thank god." 

"You can't just avoid him for the rest of your life." Terezi says, as she dismembers her pizza.

As it turns out, she's right. 

It's a week later now or maybe two and you've just finished an exceptionally good dungeon raid, after only spending around twelve hours online. You sign off, remove your headpiece, and close your laptop. MMORPGs are quite possibly the only place that you feel entirely okay with interacting with other people because on there, you're regarded as one of the best players. And sure, you get hate, but most people look to you as some kind of leader. You stretch your arms as you stand up and rummage through your mini-fridge- a birthday present from Dave, who understands that mini-fridges are just as important as oxygen- for something to drink. You realise you're out of energy drinks and swear. 

You know you look like a mess right now but it's so late at night that everybody else must either be out or in their rooms, so you reason that heading to the nearest vending machine might be okay. It's unlikely you run into anyone and if you do, they'll look just as exhausted as you do. So, you just run a hand through your hair and grab your wallet before stepping out into the corridor. There's a note stuck to your door from Karkat, telling you to call him back sometime, which you shove in your pocket and hope nobody saw. 

The nearest vending machine is in the sort of common room downstairs that you've never hung out in ever, so you make your way down the stairs. You get there without bumping into anybody you know, thankfully, so you get a Red Bull and turn to head back upstairs. 

He's standing right there. You nearly stumble, you're so surprised. 

"Jesus Christ, don't creep up on people!" You manage.

"Shit." Eridan takes a step back, "At least you didn't spill your drink on yourself this time?"

You could actually die. You might have died. You are dead. 

"Yeah." You breathe, shakily, "Can you move out of the way?" 

He steps to the side and you walk past him, walking as fast as you can without running and/or tripping over yourself. You take the stairs two at a time, barricade yourself in your room, and drink your stupid drink as you message Karkat online to inform him of what just happened. It takes him a while to reply and when he does, he just complains about you interrupting him and Dave on their date and tells you that you don't need to message him every time Eridan Ampora breathes, for fucks sake. You find his message oddly calming. You're making a big deal out of this, right, okay, well, you can try and stop doing that. 

Apparently, news spreads fast because it's only ten minutes later that Terezi knocks on your door and asks how it went. Her enthusiasm makes you feel like you've won an Oscar, not just spoken to a guy, but it makes your heart flutter anxiously anyway. She's come straight from some kind of party, wearing glow bands everywhere that it's possible to wear one, and she sits herself on your bed and starts telling you about some girl she met. 

You guess the only things that you and every single one of your friends have in common is the fact that you're all gay and that you're all considered outcasts. You've known Karkat since the beginning of time but the others fit so perfectly into your group that it feels like you've been friends with them forever anyway. Terezi offers you a glow band. 

"Anyway, congrats on talking to Ampora." She says, standing up and brushing herself off, "If you'll excuse me, Nepeta gave me her number and I think five hours is long enough to be considered hard to get. I'm going to call her." 

"Good luck." You tell her, "You gonna be online after that?"

"I'm hoping the phone call is going to last a while." Terezi cackles. 

And you must fall asleep after that because the next thing you know, Karkat is calling you and demanding to know why you haven't shown up to class. 

He is still annoyed at you that evening, when you're sitting in the passenger seat of his car and he's spinning the wheel with an annoyed look on his face. He's still ranting about the fact that you didn't turn up so he had to sit next to Feferi Peixes, who is one of the sweetest people on the planet and the same time, one of the most annoying. Her positive attitude towards everything has a tendency to grate on Karkat's nerves a little. You don't say much, only putting in that Feferi isn't so bad and shutting up abruptly when he gives you a look. He spends a good ten minutes recreating a conversation they had and explaining why it pissed him off. 

You are grateful to escape his rant into the arms of Terezi, who tells you excitedly about Nepeta, and Dave, who does his best to soothe his boyfriend. Tonight is the third Thursday of the month, which means that it's movie night at the local movie theatre and all tickets are being sold for half price. Or at least, they are because you know the guy who works behind the counter. It's Dave's older brother, who wants to make movies but can only get as close as selling other people tickets to see them, who cuts you all a deal.

You aren't great with movie theatres, so you take deep breaths and calm your racing heartbeat, while the others crowd to buy popcorn and nachos and soda. If there's one thing you can say for your friends, it's this: they might be the most understanding group of people you've ever met. None of them question why you need a minute, though Terezi does offer to stand with you if you need her to. You tell her to go ahead and scroll through your Twitter feed to give yourself a little perspective on life. Then, you go to catch up with them. 

"Hey. It's Sol, right?" A voice from behind you catches your attention and you spin around. He's standing there, Eridan, alone and without his usual group of friends. You wonder where they all are and why he's here alone and if this is a prank being played on you. 

"Sollux." You tell him because nobody calls you Sol, "Hey. Hey, Eridan."

"Hey." He says, fiddling with his scarf, "Look, um, I've been meaning to talk to you about something. Remember, uh, that time you asked me out a while back and I said no?" You nod, wordlessly; how could you forget? "I wanted to apologise. Your friend, the angry one, he came to me after that and explained that you got really stressed about it. I'm sorry." 

"That fucker did what?" You groan. You don't need Karkat fighting battles for you.

"No, it's okay. I didn't even realise that I'd upset you." Eridan looks almost embarrassed, "I guess it's no big secret that I'm not exactly good with people."

"You're one of the most social people I've ever seen." You point out, rather bluntly, "Are you seriously telling me that you, a people-person, aren't good with people?" 

"I'm getting better at telling people what they want to hear most of the time." Eridan half-explains, "But when I was a kid, I always seemed to say the wrong thing. You get bullied a lot when you dress like this and can't keep your mouth shut. I'm learning." 

"'Cos it's really hard, right? Knowing what to say to people?" You say before you can stop yourself, "In real life, people always seem to think you're really awkward for saying what you actually think. So you never know what the right thing is to say." 

"Yeah, exactly." Eridan looks relieved, "I wish I could say what's on my mind most of the time. People never want to talk about interesting things either. Like science." 

"You're with the wrong group of friends if you want to talk about science." Sollux says, privately thinking that most of Eridan's friends are complete airheads, "But I get what you mean. Sometimes, when you really want to talk about things, you don't think you can because people will just find you really boring." 

"Yes." Eridan is looking at you strangely, "You don't normally talk this much. Whenever I see you with your friends, you're always the only one that isn't yelling something stupid at the top of your lungs."

"I'm not really a people-person." You shrug, before remembering that your friends have gone into the movie and are probably wondering where you are. Any minute now, Karkat's probably going to come out here and check if you're having a panic attack on the floor again or something. "But I have to go. My friends are waiting for me." 

Eridan nods. "See you around, Sol."

"It's Sollux." 

When you slip into the movie theatre, during one of the ads, you spot your friends sitting in the back row. Terezi and Dave are throwing popcorn at each other and Karkat looks ready to smack their heads together. There's an empty seat between Terezi and Dave and you can't help feeling relieved that they saved you a seat, even though you already know they promised they would. You sit between them and Terezi asks you where you were. You promise her that you'll tell her later but that isn't good enough for her. She keeps looking at you throughout the rest of the ads, pleading with her eyes, asking where you were and if you were okay. Eventually, you tell her that you were just talking to somebody and she looks surprised. 

You never talk to anybody, not your own, not out of choice because talking to people normally makes you feel incredibly uncomfortable. For some reason, it hadn't been like that with Eridan. The words had come easily to you, you'd known what to say, and you're still confused about why that was. Still, you know your friends are going to collectively flip their shit when they hear you had such a long conversation with someone. Just thinking about their reactions makes you feel anxious, hot and sweaty, so you decide you just won't tell them. 

"It was nothing." You tell them, when Terezi quizzes you as soon as the credits roll, "I don't want to talk about it." 

"Nobody made you feel like shit, did they?" Karkat demands, looking ready to fight. He's one of those people that's always threatening to fight people but has never actually fought anybody ever. He's just angry on the outside, soft on the inside. 

"No, it wasn't like that." You say, getting out of your seat and following Dave down the stairs, "Anyway, that movie was shit. That's the last time we see a rom-com." 

"Screw you, that movie deserves an award." Karkat scowls at you, "The characters were well-developed, the plot moved at a decent place, and the romance was more believable that those shitty excuses you used to use to get out of doing homework." 

"I wonder if they'd ever make a movie like that about a sexy guy and his cute boyfriend. They could call it Dave Strider Gets Laid: The Movie." Dave says, in mock awe, like he's imagining actually watching that movie. 

"I'd watch that movie." Terezi says, "I heard there's a great side character, who uses her superpowers and excellent charisma to restore justice to the crime-filled big city." 

"I heard there's a scene where she tries to lick the protagonist's eyeballs." You say.

"That was one time!" Terezi protests. 

This is a conversation you have every single time you see a rom-com. 

When you leave the movie theatre, you aren't expecting to see Eridan Ampora still hanging around the lobby. Did his movie finish already? You guess the exceedingly dull movie that you just saw was incredibly long- you think you might have even taken a nap in the middle and still woken up with an hour left to go. He approaches your group and your friends all glance at you, expectedly, waiting for you to freak out. Their eyes melt into you and you hang back, letting Terezi approach first. She laughs her crazy laugh and grins at Eridan.

"Hello, pretty boy." She says, like a crazy person would say, "You all alone at the movies? Where are all your pretty friends?" 

"Isn't she blind?" Eridan says, unsurely, looking right at you like he's expecting you to answer.

"I'm blind, I'm not an idiot." Terezi says, flirty, "How are you, Mr Ampora?"

"Uh..." Eridan says, "I'm fine. And to answer your other questions, none of my friends wanted to come and see a rom-com with me so I just came by myself." 

He wins over Karkat instantly. "Which movie did you see?"

And everybody bursts into conversation easily with Karkat and Eridan exchanging opinions on romantic-comedies and which ones they like most and which ones are the worst and what the new one coming out next month will be like. Terezi says something about buying more candy and disappears in the direction of the food. Dave offers you a nacho and you shake your head and he asks if you were speaking to Eridan before the movie. You admit you were.

"How could you tell?" You ask because you thought you were a good liar.

"If it was anybody else, you would have just told us about it." Dave says, dipping his nacho in cheese and salsa before popping it in his mouth, "Besides, when he came out of the movie, he looked us all over like he was looking for somebody. And then he stared at you like he was waiting for you to run over and say hi." 

"Oh." You look at Eridan, "Why the fuck does he want to talk to me?"

"I'm telling you, man, he's gotta like you or something." Dave says; then, he turns and addresses Eridan instead, "Yo, man, we're gonna head to The Pizza Place. You wanna come with us?"

"The Pizza Place." Eridan blinks, "Again? But you went two weeks ago." 

"They have a salad bar, dude." Dave says, solemnly, "A salad bar. You can say what you want about McDonald's luxurious wraps and fries that are even saltier than my attitude to life but they don't have a motherfucking salad bar."

"Is he okay?" Eridan asks, again looking pointedly at you. You say nothing. 

"I would give my soul to that salad bar." Dave replies. 

Eridan does come with them to The Pizza Place; in fact, he drives them there in his fancy car and lets you sit in the passenger seat. Actually, he invites you to sit there and you spend half the car ride making awkward eye contact, while the others sit in the back and probably mock you. Eridan does try to talk to him, asking him questions, but whatever happened to you earlier that allowed you to speak easily doesn't happen this time. You silently, giving one word answers, and listen to your blood pounding in your ears. You don't know what to say. 

When they arrive at The Pizza Place, you are quick to get out of the car and slide your arm through Terezi's, guiding her towards the door and to their booth. She asks you why you suddenly freaked out back there and mentions that she could hear you breathing and you sounded really panicked. You just shake your head. You still don't know what to say. 

"I just felt awkward." You say, "It's kind of my thing." 

Terezi laughs as she takes her seat and you sit beside her, silently praying that Eridan doesn't sit on your other side because you might explode. Maybe he can read minds because Eridan looks at you for a moment before sitting across from you instead. You wonder what he's thinking right now, sitting at a booth with four poor, loser kids clearly beneath him, and why he decided to hang out with you instead of just returning to college to hang out with his actual friends. Then, Eridan asks them if they've seen the new pictures of Jupiter that just came out and you realise that he wants to sit with you so he can talk about things he actually likes. 

Nobody else at the booth has seen the photos and asks questions about them, curious. Before Eridan says anything else, he looks at you. His eyes are bright, inviting. 

You clear your throat. "I've seen them." 

Eridan flat-out grins at you. "Really?" 

"They're so cool." You say, a little more eagerly, "This could entirely change how we think about the planet. It's just like when we got those pictures of Pluto. I-" You realise that your friends are staring at you, "I mean, nothing." 

"You mean something." Terezi grins at you, "It's so nice when you stop freaking out and actually talk about it things, Sollux. It's pretty cute." 

"Yeah, yeah it is." Eridan says. 

You slide down in your seat, embarrassed. You think you catch him smiling at you. 

You get the feeling things are about to change.


End file.
